Well.... Point taken, God.

When God makes something "bad" happen, or you get a moment of bad luck. Maybe something doesn't go the way you planned, or it goes WAAAAAAY off course... whatever the story, natural human reaction is to ask one thing: "WHY?! D:" We beg and wonder, asking God why He did what He has done...guess what? DO NOT ASK. Do not ask God "WHY?!". Usually you won't know why. You just have to trust in Him and He'll bring you through. Don't ask God any questions like "Why?" or "Can what I want happen instead?!" ... you just gotta TRUST. If you must ask questions, ask Him what he wants you to learn from the experience. All you know is you are going though it. That's all you need to know. You don't need to know WHY or HOW to control the situation  just sit down, shut up, and have faith.


Goodness... I wish I would of just had faith and trusted in God's choices for me, instead of asking that dreaded question of WHY? -_-
I'm naturally curious and I'm also a control freak, so I like to know what's going on, and the reasons for it.

So, what does this have to do with me?

**I'm not using the REAL names of the ppl btw :|**

I have a best friend. Let's call her Lilly. She hooked up with this guy and he became her boyfriend. Then, I met his "best friend". Let's call him... Steve. Lilly and her boyfriend hit it off pretty darn good, and likewise, Steve and I had (a little too much) fun together ^_^ Eventually I got a crush on this Steve.

Being silly girls, we automatically got the setup in our minds of the whole "two-sets-of-besties-together" type senerio... the only thing that would of made it cuter, at the time, would be if we were twin girls and twin boys lol

But.. no.  It was weird. We all got along so good! Except there was a problem. Steve just happened to have himself a girlfriend already. I backed off, naturally.

For a while it was awkward cause I kind of knew the girl, and she was nice, but she never found out about my liking him.

I tried, like 5 times to forget about him and move on, but I failed....
then one day they broke up! My crush and his girlfriend broke up!

We started talking a little teeny bit more, he even said he "was happier", and I thought it was goin' cool. I thought I had this in the bag... it was all apart of the "plan" I conjured up in my head.. but it was contrary to God's plan.

So. Me and my and Lilly have another "close-ish" friend. We'll name her Ashely. Lilly's boyfriend has a nasty little habit of telling his person secrets to Ashely and not Lilly.

After a couple of months of dating him, Lilly learned that her boyfriend was bi. Of course, I found out too. It didn't make me or Lilly none-too-happy, but we shrugged it off. Figured.... "Ehh, what they heck, it's not like he makes passes at guys or anything." And kind of forgot about the matter.

Meanwhile, I just became more and more confused at all the "drama". It seemed like Lilly and her boyfriend were matched up pretty good, and me and Steve seemed PERFECT for one another....Steve was single, so what's the prob?!

Actually, Steve kind of knew I kind of liked him. Rejected being a strong word, he more... declined my request all because I am a go-hard christian basically.
That should of been enough for me. I should of just took that sorry excuse for a rejection, shoved it up his butt, slapped his face and keep on walkin' forward, no lookin' back.

But do I? OF COURSE NOT!! I believe in second chances, so I gave him one.

We seem to had built a pretty good rapport, and it confused me.

Many Many MANY times I prayed...usually sounding like this: "It seems like everything is perfectly matched up. All the ducks were in a row, each person has someone.... but God WHY won't he just give in?! WHY doesn't Steve like me?! WHY won't Steve just give me a chance?!"

Hmm...many times I also prayed: "God, show me the way. Show me if this is going to work or if I am just wastin' my sweet time. God, please give me a sign."

Be careful what you pray for D:

Instead of sitting back, trusting God, or just believing that me and Steve are apart for a reason, I went and asked WHY. Why was it that all this was happening?
God did hear my prayer, cause He knows me, and we all know curiosity killed that cat.
God knew I wouldn't stop my whining and constant asking of "WHY?!"... so He made a point to actually SHOW me why.

I should of just took the fate and ran, but no... I just HAD to know why....

So, why? Why didn't God let me be with this guy who seemed oh-so-perfecto for me?

Simple.

Lilly's boyfriend told Ashely. He just told her flat out him and Steve.... they did things.... you know.... things. Gay things..... relations....more than once....

Oh Good golly sweet sugar honey ice tea.....

Even worse, Lilly's boyfriend told Ashely he was willing to let Steve in on him and Lilly's relationship O.O





Well... a good couple of hours later I'm still seeing.... images in my mind...


But it's ok.....

Gahhh Life....At least I've learned my lesson. I'm gonna NEVER ask God "WHY?!" again XD


Happy Friday the 13th? XD

Stronger? Hmmm.....

Stronger?
That's a word I've been contemplating lately.
So, here's a long story in a few short words:
I have a problem. Years on end, I've been hunting, searching, looking for something it seems everyone has.. someone else. Not just a friend or sibling, but a significant other... a boyfriend. I'm in no hurry NO grow up (Lord and everyone else knows I still watch Nick toons and Disney movies XD) but for some reason I've always had this aching pain to be with someone.... just once.
I just turned 17 and never had a boyfriend. Not that it's really a big deal in retrospect, but what gets me, is how unique my story seems to be.
There are PLENTY of teen girls out there who's in the same boat as me. All 3 of my best friends (who are girls) have boyfriends right now. I know you're saying "Hmm sounds familiar, how is this story "unique"?" Well... most girls who have been in the boat HAVE had at LEAST one guy like them before (weather or not they liked him back), whereas, I have not. Not ONE. I've had crushes since 2nd grade, and not a one has ever liked me back in THAT way. If they did, atleast, they never told anyone. I mean, it's not like I'm ugly or anything! I mean, look at my photo.. am I really that bad-looking? Of course not! I'm no beauty queen, but I'm pretty beautiful, I know that.
So, my looks aren't the problem. Actually it's not me at all. Not at all. It's the boys I'm liking.
It's strange how the more boys I like, the closer to my personality they are. It's like the first few boys I liked would of never worked with my personality. We were waaaay too different, but being in elementary school, I wouldn't even notice!
The last 4 guys that struck my interest, I liked because of their personalities and the similarities between mine and theirs.
The last one expecially. I've actually never met a guy who's personality was so close to mine.
You know, I think that maybe God is showing me something... maybe He's saying...
"I'm going to send you a guy like this, only BETTER! This one's just a prototype. A sample. You'll get the REAL prize later :)"
Or maybe the last guy I've like recently IS the one.. maybe God could be saying somthing like
"Yes. He IS the one for you... BUT NOT NOW. He needs to grow up, hurt a little bit, learn to accept somethings and then I'll bring you to back together."
Maybe it's neither XD Who knows but God? :)
You know I really need to stop XD I keep trying to interprate what God is doing, when really, no one can do that!
I just need to shut up, sit back, and enjoy the ride! XD

I'm so much stronger, now I guess XD I mean, it's like the more guys I like, the more closer to my 'dream guy' I get, but if I was rejected by the last few guys I liked two or 3 years ago, I would of went CRAZY! XD

Strangely, now, though, I'm more prone to just shrugging it off, and moving on.
I guess it's like Mandisa saids:

"When the waves are takin' you under, hold on just a little bit longer, He knows that this is gonna make you stronger. The pain ain't gonna last forever, and things will only get better, believe me, this is GONNA MAKE YOU STRONGER :)"







Also:
"The longer you stand in the rain, the more you'll appreciate the sunshine(when it finally comes) :)" 

Boyfriends and Best Friends... ♥ Love all around :)

Blogging.... I'm new to it so don't mawl me if my wording/spelling/whatever isn't perfect XD lol

Anywhat... I figured I should post my "drama" on something other than Deviantart, seeing as DevArt is an art site and not Myspace.... lol

Ok. 2010 was literally a bipolar year. I mean, there were SO MANY ups and downs and round and rounds XD I can't even start to begin to think about how crazy it was haha

Just so much BOY DRAMA. So THIS year 2011 I vowed to not be so boy crazy and just chill, but seeing as I've never done that before, I was alittle... scept about it at first. I mean, I've been "chasing" boys basically all my life (in a way) and I've NEVER just stoped and waited for a guy to come to me. EVER If I did that, I'd NEVER have a man.... but I realized I don't even have the ROOM for a man! XD

I've ALWAYS wanted a boyfriend, but you know what? I don't even have the time, room or energy to worry about it anymore haha

But not-so-strangely, the whole 'boyfriendless' thing ceesed, but I didn't do it alone of course...

I think what really did it was my best friends. It's rather funny because they say you should be thankful for a best friend.... well, lucky BLESSED me! I happen to have 3 (possibly 4) best friends! ^-^
But I think the one that really has/had an impact on me the MOST is Leisha. I can't count the all the times that the Lord has used Leisha to help me become a better person. She's helped to give me confidence, pride, and belief in myself. Eventhough she was just being herself. Just being silly Leisha XD

It's been me and Leisha since late 2009. Then we added Kemberly to the group. the 3 besties. Kem helped me to see that I'm not the only forever-manless-never-had-a-boyfriend-before-hopeless-romantic out there. And she also is/forever will be my drawing buddy ^^

Then came Emily. Now, me and Emily are good friends, but I can't lie. She annoys me sometimes (because she rants on about things I don't even understand, conplains and plans things without looking at the facts first, ect..) but I am still gretful for her friendship. Other than her annoyingness she is AWESOME to have around, has only good things to say about the ones she loves and frankly right now I feel slightly guilty for calling her annoying... (but it actually is the truth ^^;).

So it's been me, Leisha, Kem, and Emily. The Group. But it was too much.....estergen ;)

Emily had herself a man already, but us girls weren't too close to him (except for Leisha).
Then Kem got herself a man. She finally got to the spot I'd been asppiring to get to for YEARS. She did it. With a bit of help from Emily and a little tiny bit from me (90%- Emily 10%- me).

Then. With MOST of the help from me (90% me 10% Kem) and alittle from Kem, Leisha FINALLY got herself a 'good' man. He was a little creepy and weird to us at first, but once we actually met Rish, we all liked him (Me, Kem and of COURSE Leisha XD).
Strangly enough, the same thing about Leisha that calms me down, Rish had that trait too.
Talking to him came easy and proved to be quite fun ^^
He's very smart and pretty funny too XD  Saddly, Leisha's cellphoneless & can't call him on her house phone, so she thought it a good idea to use me as a connector between the two.

Soon me and Rish started texting back and forth. I'd ask him questions about himself and he's answer them, of course, then we'd go back and forth about his answer and so on. xD Until we ended up basically texting one another everyday just about. Gosh this sounds so bad haha It's not what you think don't worry lol

The more we'd text, the more I started to be hip to this thought in my mind. This feelin'. Then it hit me!

I realized something! Rish was starting to become something of a 'best friend'....

All my life. My close-ish "guy friends" were either A) GAY. B) A crush, or C)A gay guy I had a crush on...sadly.
It hit me... Rish was not only my first offical guy bff, BUT technically the ONLY guy I've ever been close-ish too that I didn't have some kind of a crush on! I mean.... that might be miniscule for some, but for me?! It's like winning at bingo for a 78 year old Gramps...w00t! haha

Now, I don't know, but truthfully, I like Rish better than I do Emily XD I mean, Emily is my girl and I will always stand for her, but... if I truly had to list my close friends (or 'extended family') in order from most-
impacting to least-impacting it'd be like:

Leisha, Kem, Rish & Emily.

No lie dude.

Now, obviously I don't have a CLUE what God's got in store for me (and I never will XD) but I feel like... I don't know.. something awesome is about to happen for me. And this is just the beging of it ;)

PICTURE TIME 8D

 

Leisha on the left, me in the middle & Emily on the right ♥

 



 

Leisha & Kem



Leisha & Rish



Me & Emily